Love is dead

In my 21 years of life, I have not encountered true, committed and passionate romantic love. In my own experience and my perception of others’ relationships, it seems as though many people these days are incapable of such a relationship.

The term “situationship” makes me want to walk into the woods and never return. “Talking stages” and “friends with benefits” are often sad fill-ins for people who cannot commit for whatever reason.

I myself have fallen for all of these situations. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with these encounters, if it works for you and your partner, that is great. I understand the need to discover yourself aside from a romantic or sexual relationship. Emotional and physical distance is important at any stage of a relationship.

It is my opinion that — especially Gen Z — is incredibly poor at romantic relationships and communication. It can be so emotionally draining to give your time and energy to someone, only for them to “ghost” you.

While I complain about casual and low-commitment relationships, they have their place in the sex and dating conversation. For some people, or for periods of someone’s life, it makes the most sense. I think where the real issue lies is that, in my experience, a lot of people in serious committed long term relationships are settling.

Whether it be the case that they are settling in terms of attraction, money, lifestyle, politics, religion, communication, etc., I think that it is the only way people know how to have long term relationships — compromise.

Please, for the love of God, bring back love letters, long walks on the beach, or romantic date nights. These things all still exist, but usually end up just being love-bombing at the beginning of a situationship.

People need to start having genuine conversations about what they are looking for in a relationship. People like to put on a facade and say that they are looking for a long-term partner, when that statement could not be further from the truth.

I think part of the problem is some people are looking for their “soulmate.” This isn’t necessarily a problem, but it makes it difficult to casually date and get to know people when you have such loaded expectations of your potential partners.

My father has told me multiple times that everyone has a soulmate, and that people have more than one soulmate. Sometimes, I think those soulmates can be platonic ones.

Having open communication of what you are looking for is incredibly important. Tell your potential partners what you want. Straight up. Don’t settle. Stand up for yourself and what you want from a relationship. If you aren’t satisfied, life is too short to stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling or healthy. Please tell your partner or person you are seeing what you want and what you are unhappy with. If you want to cut it off, be an adult, and explain why you are leaving. Don’t waste your own time or anyone else’s.

College is a time of self-discovery in all aspects of life, including romance and sexuality. Get out there and explore what you like and want, but be respectful of those you are pursuing and stay safe.

Having a supportive group of friends to talk about your relationship troubles can be incredibly helpful. While the title of this story is a tad dramatic, love is still present in the world, and it is important to find areas of your life where you feel love.

The Greeks have eight words for love, all with different forms of love. Agape, philia, eros, pragma, storge, philautia, and ludus. In English, there is only one. We tend to limit “love” in our minds to one form.

Whether you find love from friends, family, yourself, your religion, or your community, get out there and find it. Love is actually all around.

It can be very easy to feel disdain for modern dating and romance in general. Even if a relationship doesn’t work out, it gives you experience and life lessons that will influence your future relationships.

Take a hard look at what you want and need in a relationship and go from there. At the end of the day, the most support you can find out there is within yourself or in your found family.