Right Answers Only: Partying is a detestable sin

I treat school like a job. My one goal at this institution is to show up, do my work and get my degree. Anyone who ruins that experience for me is a terrible person.

College isn't cheap, so why are you here wasting my time with your antics? I know it's only 8 p.m., but you having two people over to hang out in your Mac is killing my ability to do my homework.

I know I could just put on noise-canceling headphones, but now I feel the need to lecture you on why your choices are horrible and you're going to be a failure in life.

Every day I wake up and ask myself: Where will partying in college lead? With every interaction that I have with other people, I find a more clear answer: Partying is a detestable sin, and if you party, you're going straight to hell.

In recent weeks, people have been warming to  the idea that fun is allowed to be had on campus — I'm here to put an end to that.

We all need to focus on school, not interact with anyone, and go straight from our classes back to our dorms without talking to people so we can work on our homework. I'm appalled that anyone would want more than that out of their college experience.

I have a saying: The best campus is a silent campus.

I came to UAA because I was promised there would be no social interaction and everyone would be reasonable water drinkers. I was assured no one would want to interact with each other and that there would certainly be no party animals.

Yet, this year so far is the worst that it has been! People are getting ideas that there will be campus life again, and that it's OK to build a community with each other. I say it's not. Even my editor wrote an article trying to embolden a resurgence of social life on campus!

I know people yearn to keep their social life from high school alive for as long as possible before they get stuck in a cubicle for the rest of their lives, but why wait to stop socializing? Your favorite sight should be the bland, empty walls of your dorm as you stare off into space alone in the quiet on a Sunday night, since that's what you'll be doing in four years anyway.

Everyone knows that if parties start happening, smaller gatherings will vanish in favor of substance-fueled benders. Soon enough, campus will be the site of a “Project X”-level meltdown, where no one is going to class and everyone is trying to keep the party going just a little bit longer.

Anyone who advocates even for responsible partying is just hiding behind that facade in an attempt to have an enjoyable experience at school. Why are you trying to ruin the very reason I came to this campus?

If you can't handle a quiet and miserable environment, you shouldn't ruin it for the rest of us with your delusions of having fun and making life enjoyable for people. If that's what you wanted, why didn't you go to any other school and booze it up with other partygoers?

Quiet hours exist for a reason. I get that my roommates have friends they rarely get to see, but when you're talking in our common area at a reasonable volume, that is just unacceptable. And what's really absurd is when people have a reasonably contained party and make a bit of noise on the weekend.

I can't believe there have been recent calls for more social life on campus. I'm appreciative of efforts from the university to crush the social life out of campus. Instead of having a “be there or be square” attitude around parties, people need to just be square. You're ruining the quiet for the rest of us, and if you have any social life at all, you should be ashamed of yourself.