Right Answers Only: Why leave Alaska?

This new satire column will cover many different topics. This week's topic: outmigration

The biggest state must be the best, right? Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

According to the Alaska Beacon,  a recent conference was hosted at UAA that brought together many interested parties from around Alaska to discuss the growing problem of outmigration from the state. Organizers included the Alaska Federation of Natives, UAA's Institute of Social and Economic Research, the First Alaskans Institute and Representative Mary Peltola. 

The conclusion reached at the end of the two-day conference was that young people are leaving Alaska, and fewer young people are coming from out of state to replace them like they used to — that's a problem.

That conclusion stuck with me and made me pose the question: Why Leave Alaska?

I seek to answer that question in this article by highlighting the unique aspects of the state, in addition to pointing out some features that separate Alaska from the other 49 states in the Union — proving unequivocally that the Last Frontier is also the best frontier and people have no reason to leave.

One of the first reasons that comes to mind is the free money that is available to everyone, along with exclusive opportunities for young adults raised in the state. No other state in the Union will give you money just for being a resident and having a pulse.

Since Alaskans voted for it in 1976, The Permanent Fund Dividend — also referred to as the PFD — has been viewed by many Alaskans as something they are annually entitled to — because willingly choosing to live in this state is something you should be handsomely compensated for.

Another example of free money exclusive to young adults in the state is the UA Scholars and Alaska Performance Scholarship awards given to graduates in the state.

If students are accepted for the highest level of the scholarship — which barely covers tuition — they will still need to sort out the high cost of housing, food, and other amenities to make their life at a UA school even remotely palatable.

But at least tuition is barely covered, and you know that every year, without fail, the state's budget will be slashed, so you get your PFD check.

Speaking of budget cuts, another reason to live in Alaska is the impeccable local and state leadership that sets up the state's success year after year.

Our officials have made continual cuts to much-needed funding for schools, snow removal, public media and more, year in and year out. While that may sound like a bad thing, it's actually not as bad as you might think. Not only do these cuts guarantee a slightly larger permanent fund payout, but it also ensures property tax — the only statewide tax collected from individuals — stays low.

In my opinion, the incentives to own property to keep your taxes low should be enough to attract young adults to settle down in Alaska — and take out a 30-year mortgage to afford it.

Now for a lightning round of Alaskan achievements that irrefutably place our great state at the top of the Union.

Alaska does not have the highest violent crime rate in the Union by state — only the second highest.

Alaska's seasons are becoming less temperate, with more violent and unpredictable weather leading to floods, droughts and blizzards for residents to weather with that patented Last Frontier grit and determination.

Road quality and maintenance often lead to a high volume of accidents and road closures throughout the year, but really it's a good thing that roads are as awful as they are because it ensures drivers are more focused on the road and their driving at all times.

Finally, the darkness. A common complaint about Alaska is how dark it gets in the winter, with some places receiving no sunlight for months at a time. However, without the darkness, criminals would not be able to commit crimes and the mood light industry would not be thriving.

There are no negatives to living in Alaska, there are only positives. It is a state that appeals to all demographics. Particularly if you are a criminal, a millionaire, or a fan of miserable living conditions, Alaska is the place to be.

It boggles my mind why the young population of Alaska would be leaving at such a rapid rate.

Correction 9/18/2024 2:17pm. A previous version of this article incorrectly stated that the PFD had been paid out since 1976. This was corrected to state that it was voted on in 1976, and viewed as an entitlement since the first payout in 1980.