Graphic by Edleen Guiao.
To preface these responses I will note that there are some abbreviations used: FWB: friends with benefits. MMF: male-male-female. STD: sexually transmitted disease. STI: sexually transmitted infection. SHCC: Student Health and Counseling Center. PSC: Psychological Services Center. UPD: University Police Department.
Q: What sex position produces the ugliest children?
A: From TNL managing editor: “Reverse cowgirl. It's all shins and toes for women. How the f*** could that make a cute baby?”
Q: What is the best way to have a threesome?
A: Preferably with two other consenting parties.
Q: Sexual assault is hard to talk about. I know I have been in situations that, in retrospect, were sexual assault. How would you recommend people find support, as well as resources for explaining proper consent?
A: It is hard to talk about, but it shouldn’t be. This should be something that we are all educated on and communicate about. As far as support goes, there are many on campus resources, such as the SHCC, PSC and UPD. There are also support groups in town that offer group therapy. The Health Promotion Team can assist students and community members in understanding consent. Health Promotion Team faculty member Summer Sweet wrote an amazing article on consent for this edition.
Q: Why do most men in heterosexual settings not care about female pleasure?
A: There are several factors that can contribute to this thought process. For generations, the belief was that sex was not meant to be pleasurable, and was only meant for reproduction. Because of that, the only important orgasm was the man’s. This could contribute to current beliefs surrounding heterosexual pleasure. Another contributing factor is the emphasis on the male orgasm in porn. Like it or not, porn is a widely consumed form of media and one where many people have their first experience watching a sexual act. This emphasis on the male orgasm can mess with the thought processes of not only men but everyone who watches it. I am not saying porn is bad, but it is important to differentiate it from real life.
Q: How many licks do you think it takes to get to the center of YOUR Tootsie Pop?
A: The world may never know.
Q: What’s the best sex shop in Anchorage?
A: One of our columnists, Nahla White, has a great article in this edition of the paper about her favorite sex shops. You should check it out.
Q: Where is the clitoris?
A: The journey to it is long and arduous. Many have wandered out into the great unknown, never to return. In summary, no one knows. It is likely that we may never know.
Q: Why do guys not touch the clit?
A: They can’t find it.
Q: A guy told me we’re exclusive FWB?? Is that not just dating?
A: Kind of, but not really. There are many reasons why he may want to be exclusive with his sexual partners. It is safer to have sexual encounters with only one person regularly than it is to seek out multiple partners over a short period of time. If this is a one-sided exclusivity, though, I would reconsider the terms of the relationship. It is not fair for them to demand that you remain loyal to them while they seek other partners — unless that is something that you are interested in. However, it is possible to remain solely friends with benefits, be exclusive, and have no strings attached if everyone is on the same page with their communication. Consent on all sides is key.
Q: Are dry orgasms a thing?
A: Yes. They occur when little to no semen is released upon climax.
Q: How do you have the “what are we” conversation?
A: Be honest with your feelings. If they do not respect your feelings, let them go.
Q: My FWB wants me to wear pigtails. Is this a red flag???
A: Not necessarily, but it could be if there are other red flags that emerge.
Q: Guys always get weird when I ask if they are clean?
A: Then they probably aren’t clean.
Q: I think I have an STD, HELP!
A: SHCC is your best bet to get tested and find out. Hopefully you are able to get some antibiotics and get back in the game. P.S. I believe they are now referred to as STIs.
Q: I have a new partner, and have been bleeding after sexual encounters. Is this something I need to worry about? Or is it fine?
A: Some conditions like PCOS and endometriosis can cause bleeding after sex. Definitely visit the SHCC to get checked out. It is much better to be safe than sorry. I’m not sure about you, but I like my reproductive organs to be operating at their best, all of the time.
Q: Where do you get off (place and time?)
A: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Q: Blue balls, true or real?
A: While it is a real condition, my belief is that the severity is often exaggerated. Never let anyone pressure you into sexual activity due to “blue balls.”
Q: Help, I’m trapped in fuzzy handcuffs!
A: There should be a release lever on one of the cuffs. Try to find it and release it. Or, plead with your dom to see if they will release you. Check back in the next Croft’s Comments and let us know if you managed to escape.
Q: How do I find a third, for a casual thing? my FWB wants to do MMF.
A: Be as honest as possible with potential suitors. Let them know exactly what the expectation is, and what the boundaries are. The dating apps are a good place to start, but the bars are where you will find more likely candidates. Just ensure you are not unicorn hunting.
Q: I'm in a FWB situation with this guy. I like spending time with him, chatting and whatnot, but when we aren't in person he's really terrible about communication. The sex isn't anything to write home about either. We had initially started dating, but switched to keeping it casual. Why is it hard to cut it off if neither the friends nor the benefits are being met?
A: It is hard to leave a comfortable position. You aren’t sure of the next partner you might have, and it is nice to know that you are desired as of right now. Even if things aren’t perfect, you know that someone wants you, so you stay. It is hard to leave because of the unknown that comes with what’s next.
Q: I felt like the question about sex positions on the TNL quiz was specifically written from a very male perspective and not particularly creative. Can you speak more on positions that focus on a woman’s pleasure?
A: I am going to defend the creators of the sex poll. The positions question listed the most common positions that the staff here could think of. There was an “other” category which allowed submissions that were more creative if people wanted to fill that out. To answer the question though, positions that focus more on a woman's pleasure according to my ex would be f***ing my best friend.
Q: Tanner, I’m a bi woman and have been wanting to find a woman to date, but I feel like every woman I am interested in is straight. Do you have any advice?
A: The only advice I can give is that being completely honest, straightforward and open works out so much better than you think it will. Ask people directly. Being straightforward and getting a response, positive or negative, is better than living in the unknown. Most importantly though, find the person who wrote the question right under this one. I feel like y’all would make a great couple.
Q: I (22F) think this girl in my class is really cute. Do you have any advice on how to gauge if she’s into girls?
A: The only way to gauge is by asking. It’s super stressful and it’s gonna give you anxiety, but it is the only way to know for sure. Live Más, my friend.
Q: Do straight men really exist or are they just an urban legend? I feel like I’ve never actually met one before…
A: I’m not gay, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.
Q: What do you think the optimal dildo size is?
A: Anything that fits.
Q: Twink?
A: Me? Definitely not.
Q: I faked an orgasm, and later fessed up. But then he ghosted me. Who's at fault?
A: Honestly? Both of you. Ideally, you should not feel the need to fake an orgasm. Faking an orgasm can create a tension in the trust that you share with your partner. However, it is also partly his fault for not being mature enough to understand that it really isn’t that big of a deal.
Q: Why do guys like anal so much?
A: It is taboo. People always want what they cannot have, and most of the time they are told that is a thing that they cannot have.
Now for answers to some of the non-sex related questions and comments.
Q: How do you grow such a magical beard?
A: Good genetics and an abundance of testosterone.
Q: I cannot stand one of my professors but the class is mandatory for my major. What to do 😔🙏
A: Suffer through. Try your hardest to get along with them and form some kind of rapport. If you’re religious, pray. If you’re not, pray.
Q: What’s your advice for someone who avoids the gaming lounge because of the heinous green and yellow lighting?
A: Have some more school spirit, bleed green and gold. Or ask them to change the lighting.
Q: Why are there no couches in the Den? 😭😭😭
A: This is something I have been asking since I arrived here. We need more couches! I have noticed that there are couches under the stairs right next to the Den now though. I wonder if those are a recent addition?
Q: Any advice on a prior service infantryman wanting to be a combat medic?
A: Good luck. Study hard. In infantry terms, oonga boonga. Hooah.
Q: Have you ever researched the Psychological Services Center at UAA? It’s greatly benefited me by offering affordable therapy, and I feel like it might be really beneficial for you or your readers. Let’s fight the stigma around therapy!
A: We love destigmatizing mental health! Everyone should go to therapy! Visit our PSC for individual therapy, couples therapy, diagnoses and more!
Q: If all the land on earth was made of cotton candy, but the oceans were still water, how long would it take for all ground to dissolve?
A: It depends on how many people were also eating the land while they were on it. Wow, that feels like a pretty deep metaphor for the destruction of the planet.
Visit this link for submissions.
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