Q&A with sex workers

In preparation for our “sex work is real work” article, The Northern Light reached out to women who worked in the sex industry across various domains to ensure we were writing about the field in a respectful manner.

Whenever it comes to writing about issues that I don’t have much knowledge in, I always want to center my work around the people who are most directly impacted by the issues I discuss. Which is why I’m happy these participants took the time to answer these questions — sharing their thoughts and experiences.

While I wanted to keep the answers as close as I could to the original responses, they have been slightly edited for the sake of readability. And in order to prevent the participants from being stigmatized in their personal lives, they all requested to remain anonymous for this Q&A.

‍

Question 1)  What made you decide to get into sex work?

Answer 1: I grew up poor and watched my family struggle to pay bills, and I wanted to make sure my family had everything they needed. I had also always been a very sexually liberated person, so I knew it would come easy to me.

Answer 2: Social media was a big influence in my decision to become a dancer, but my sister getting the job solidified it.

Answer 3: My boyfriend at the time told me I should do it so he didn’t have to work, and I took care of us with the work I was doing

‍

Question 2) Do you regret entering the industry? Have you enjoyed working in the industry? Has it just been like any other job with regular ups and downs?

Answer 1: I wouldn't say I regret going into this line of work. I try to live my life with 0 regrets and instead just look at a situation like: “Well that happened. Maybe shouldn't have done that.” I made this choice and it, in most ways, has served its purpose, so I don't regret it. I have enjoyed the industry a lot throughout my eight years doing sex work, but the reality is that I personally believe it's a very toxic industry that can lead to a lot of dark places.

Answer 2: This industry is no different than any other. You make friends, you make enemies. Your boss is either cool as hell or on a power trip. You have your good customers and you have your bad ones. To me, it was like any other customer service day job, except I was topless.

Answer 3: I didn’t regret going into sex work till the end of my career. I still will go back if I have to, but it wasn’t till I found a man that looked at me in a way that wasn’t just for my body and made me feel beautiful and sexy without sexual tension. Before the man I’m with, I thought it was fine and I loved it. I didn’t realize that I was more than a sex object. I slowly started to realize that my whole life was me starving myself to stay skinny and doing my makeup, and getting my hair done to please everyone around me. I wouldn’t say I regret the last three years, but I wish someone was there to tell me I was more than an object.

‍

Question 3) What kind of sex work have you done in the past? Would you say you have a preferred avenue?

Answer 1: My main avenue of sex work is stripping. I have also done online work such as OnlyFans and Fansly. I have been a sugar baby. I have even dabbled one time in full service sex work but decided it wasn't for me. Full service is anything illegal or considered prostitution. I've done “the girlfriend experience” where I got paid to go on dates or talk on the phone with men for money and make them feel special. I'm sure there's more that I can't think of at the moment.

Answer 2: I started with selling photos online. To this day, it’s my preferred avenue of work in the industry.

Answer 3: I have only worked in a strip club (giving lap dance and dancing onstage).

‍

Question 4) How do you feel about the phrase “sex work is real work?”

Answer 1: I have done many different kinds of sex work so it would depend on what kind I would say is just like any other job. I think it shouldn't have a stigma around it, and should be viewed and respected like any other job, but overall it's not just like any other job. I do believe sex work is real work. Just like any other job where you make money providing a service. It's always referred to as the longest running profession.

Answer 2: Anything that makes you a living is work. As long as no one is being harmed, I don’t turn my nose up to any profession.

Answer 3: I do believe sex work is real work no matter what it is. “You have to do what you have to do.” But I believe if you go into sex work, you most definitely have to be strong mentally because if not it will break you more then a “normal” 9-5 job.

‍

Question 5) What do you think are some of the biggest risks associated with the industry?

Answer 1: There's an endless number of risks. With dancing there's injury, both physical and sexual assault, you can get stiffed or robbed, you can have abusive and manipulative managers and club owners who don't treat you right, you can fall into a drug or alcohol addiction, and it can cause you to be completely irresponsible with money. You feel that whatever you spend today you'll just make back tomorrow. Other risks are any illness you can get from being in close quarters with others. Lots of colds and viruses because you're in each other's bubbles. Online sex work leaves a paper trail if you're not careful. It can lead to loss of future employment opportunities and your friends and family finding out. It can also lead to revenge porn or your content getting leaked without your permission.

Answer 2: I think men have always been and will always be the biggest risk associated with this industry.

Answer 3:  The biggest risk to me is happiness — not only for myself but relationships around me. Yes, I would make good money — but at what cost? And, of course, the worry of a customer finding out my real name and trying to get a hold of me in the “real world.”

‍

Question 6) Do you think the risk outweighs the reward? Or does it depend on the specific type of sex work?

Answer 1: I think it depends on the person. You have to have extremely thick skin and an even better time compartmentalizing to be in this line of work. For me, it is worth it. But to someone who isn't able to deal with the mental toll — it's not worth it.

Answer 2:  In my opinion and experience, it depends on the type of work. Some work settings are safer than others. I felt very safe as a dancer because of all the cameras and security, some branches of the industry don’t have that.

Answer 3: In my case, I found it worth it because I was able to support myself, and my family and friends, but I was only a stripper. I have never been paid to do anything else. I can’t speak from experience, but I feel like someone who gets paid for sex is taking a lot more risk for safety, in regards to no one is there to protect them and STDs (no judgement or hate).

‍

Question 7) How do you feel about the decriminalization of sex work?

Answer 1: I 100% believe sex work should be decriminalized. It would make it safer and make it easier for sex workers in “legal” fields to advocate for themselves more.

Answer 2: I think decriminalization would make the women in the industry safer in the long run.

Answer 3: I feel like all sex work should be decriminalized because if someone wants to go work and use there body to do so, it is up to them, and if someone wants to pay for that, then it is up to them. Both parties know what they are doing.

‍

Question 8) What do you think would help destigmatize sex work?

Answer 1: I have a hard time answering what would help destigmatize it. I feel like, at this current moment it's extremely glamorized, and that's leading to a lot of young girls thinking they can make a huge amount of money without knowing all of the risks. I don't want to gatekeep by any means, but I feel that some stigma should remain because it is a difficult and dirty job at times, and it's not for the faint of heart, and in my opinion should never be the first choice.

Answer 2: I think most of the stigma is from ignorance. If people educated themselves just a little bit, they would have a better understanding.

Answer 3:  I think if there was a way to get a certificate in order to do sex work, it would make everything easier, but at that point I feel like there should be health insurance involved to make sure they are safe.

‍

Question 9)  What do you think people who are considering entering the industry should know about it beforehand?

Answer 1: I would tell them that they shouldn't. Unless there's absolutely zero options left, it's not worth it. It takes such a toll on your body and especially your mind. It affects your self esteem. It's not easy being a piece of meat for sale, and that's exactly how these men will treat you. It also affects your sex life. When sex is your job — or at least the fantasy of sex is — it makes it very hard to have a sex drive outside of work. If you get assaulted a lot at work, it can make it hard for you to want to be touched by a partner at home.

Answer 2: You have to work hard. Money doesn’t just flood in from the very beginning. Be likeable.

Answer 3: No matter what someone says about you, it doesn’t matter, you will not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that is fine. Not everyone is going to agree on what you are doing, and that’s fine. Always remember your self-worth. As long as you are happy and ok with what is going on, keep on doing it.

‍

Question 10) Is there anything else that you think people should know about the industry as a whole?

Answer 1: It should be a last option, but there's no shame in doing sex work. It just takes a real toll on you. Get in, get your money — save as much as you can — don't drink too much, and if you do, don't drive, don't do drugs, trust your gut, and then get out. It's so easy to get sucked back in.

Answer 2:  The industry doesn’t define you. I wasn’t just a dancer, I was also a devoted (spouse and parent). Other sex workers have degrees, or go to college, or have small businesses. It’s a job.

Answer 3:  Just know what you are getting yourself into.  Go into it with a clear headspace. Don’t let anyone push you past your boundaries.